July 9, 2011

The roller coaster has been in high gear this week.

Can it really be Charlotte’s 6^th Birthday? Can it really be a year and a half since she flew away? Yesterday, I was talking with one of our friends about it and she asked “Doesn’t it just seem…so…” and couldn’t finish the question because it’s such an unfathomable thing to contemplate.

I still see her everywhere and think about her all the time. One weird thing is that I haven’t dreamed about her much lately. In fact, the last dream I had about Charlotte was where I was a Dr. looking through several charts and I realized one was hers. I never actually saw her but she was there somewhere.

A common fear that grieving parents have is that they will forget how their child smelled or what they looked like. I have all that but my biggest fear is not remembering her voice and laugh. For a while now, I could feel that slipping away from me and it was adding to the stress and down side of what has become a pretty violent roller coasted ride. Fortunately, not long ago, and for no reason that I can comprehend, it all came flooding back to me. Her laugh, her crying, that sweet little voice telling me about a book or movie…clear as a bell in my head. We have a good amount of recordings of her so her voice will always be around but I like remembering her actually saying these things.

I’ll be heading down to Ashland Coffee and Tea a little later to have what I had hoped would always be our traditional birthday chocolate shake. Susan Greenbaum is performing tonight. I hope you do something like that today to help you remember my amazing little baby girl. Rachel posted 6 things you can do if you need inspiration. I especially like the “Read A Book” idea.

Another wonderful event today is the celebration of my brother and sister-in-law, Vance and Lynne’s zillionth wedding anniversary (it’s actually on the 4^th). They are having a big blowout in Denver and we wish them the absolute best. I guess there will be about 100 people there including their two totally awesome kids, Joefish and C-Weed! Congrats Bro!

By the way, did we mention that my brother-in law, Mark, is going to have a kidney transplant in August and Vance is his donor?!? I have such an awesome family!

We have become day sponsors on Public Radio WCVE 88.9fm for today and have told them to plan on us continuing to do so on an annual basis. It comes with several announcements throughout the day so if you listen, either on-air or via the internet, you might hear it. I just did.

The bus is heavy on us today but we know we are loved and supported. Thank you all.

Happy Birthday, Monkey Butt. We love you and miss you very much