Two Thumbs Up

First, a heartfelt thanks to our friends who supported us in honoring the anniversary of Charlotte's death.  Our day of remembrance was full of friends and comfort.  We had about a dozen (or so) who stopped by to help us release some balloons (and attached messages) to the sky.  Noah's Children, an organization that continues to support us in so many ways, brought a chocolate cake.  Hot chocolate was enjoyed by all.   

And it snowed.

Some of you may remember that it snowed the night that Charlotte died as well.  The snow on Friday was reminiscent of the light dusting we had received the previous year on the same day.  It seemed a poetic ending to a bittersweet day. 

The events that followed in the next 24 hours in Tucson have continued to rock our world this week.  Our thoughts have been with the families of those who were injured or killed during the tragic shooting.  Most especially, we have thought a great deal about Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and her family.  I have found myself leaking quite a bit this week.  Maybe even more so than last week.   It just hits very close to home. 

It is hard to believe that almost two years ago, we faced our own encounter with neurosurgery.  The brain is a delicate, complex, and amazing organ.  I have thought many times this week about Charlotte's first surgery on 1/22/09.  The doctors explained all of the risks as we learned about the dangers of inflammation and infection that followed any type of brain surgery.  We were warned that while the neurosurgeon would do his very best to repair that which needed fixing while preserving that which needed to remain, it was a complicated process and there were a lot of unknowns.  After all, it is brain surgery.  We were warned to expect slow recovery, paralysis, permanent weaknes, blood loss, and, of course, the risk of death. 

When Charlotte emerged from her surgery, one of the first things she did was give Dr. Tye the thumbs-up.  After everything we had been told, we knew this was a good sign. This image became an enduring symbol of Charlotte's strength and courage.  It led us to the inspiration that became CJ's Thumbs Up Foundation. 

Needless to say, it warmed our hearts and gave us hope when we heard the promising news that came over the airwaves Monday that Rep. Giffords had also given her thumbs-up. We know that she has a long road ahead of her in terms of recovery.  We also know the incredible strength that comes from surviving something of this magnitude. 

Every day, there are families who fight these battles.  Whether they face chronic illness, terminal disease, or a tragic accident, we know that the road for some is a long journey and an incredible battle.  As Roger likes to say, go hug your babies a little tighter tonight. Never forget that Every Day is a Bonus. 

A hole in my heart

A year ago at this time, they were wheeling my baby in for her FIRST brain surgery. We had no idea what would happen. I was a mess (to say the least).

And what a difference a year makes.

This has definitely been a crazy week. More good than bad, I think. Getting back to work has been rejuvenating, energizing, and positive in so many ways. I have enjoyed it but, man, am I tired! I have had a lot to do and, fortunately, the to-do list is slowly being whittled down.

I miss Charlotte. I see her everywhere. Not in the creepy ghost-like sense but in everything I do. I go shopping and see clothes and toys that I will never buy her. I pack my lunch and realize that I don't need to pack hers. I plan my day and realize that I don't need to pick someone up from preschool or make sure we have a babysitter when Roger and I both need to be at the store. I realize how much time and energy goes into being a parent and what an empty space has been left by her departure.

I think of that song: "There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you..."

At the same time, I am realizing what a drain Charlotte's illness has been on us in this past year. Charlotte herself was not a drain. She was a JOY but the CANCER and everything that it involved SUCKED our time, our energy, our sanity, our money.....it sure SUCKED. Now that she is gone, the pain is still there but we are going about the process of reclaiming that time and energy (and sanity?).

Last night, we had another CJSTUF board meeting. It was wonderful! Our current board is filled with very talented, intelligent, and motivated individuals. I know that there are many more of you looking to participate in our organization and activities. Do not despair: there will be a place for you! Keep your eyes and ears peeled for news in the coming weeks.

Two final notes before I trot off to a FULL day at Romp n' Roll: Meriwether Gilmore writes the news for the Town of Ashland that appears in both the Herald Progress and on her blog. She wrote a wonderful tribute this week to Charlotte describing her memorial service. Thank you, Meriwether, for a beautiful article! I was moved!

Finally, the only downside to a huge network is that you have many people who want to make sure you are supported. That doesn't sound right as I type this but what I'm trying to say is: I know that many of you have called, emailed, and offered support in multiple ways this week. If I haven't responded, please don't be offended. I am feeling the love but haven't gotten around to returning your correspondence! I have more offers to drink beer/margaritas/wine than my liver will allow and more offers for trips and getaways than my schedule will currently allow BUT I am appreciative of all of them and I hope to be able to follow up on many of these offers in due time.

Stay warm and dry and think sunny thoughts. It's gonna be a dismal day in Central Virginia.