It is really hard to watch this happening.
She slept really well last night (over 12 hours), woke up still seeming to be uncomfortable. Roger went out to the pharmacy ASAP and got the new prescriptions, including the morphine. She got her first morphine dose at about 11:30 AM and contrary to the usual logic of knocking her out, it proceeded to pep her up. By 12:30, she was talking, reading with Aunt B, and seemed to be doing pretty well. She had a lovely visit with Ms. Sue-Sue (a neighbor and friend) and another nice reading session with our friend Kim, but by 6 PM she was REALLY fading. Since 6:30 or so, she has seemed very uncomfortable despite having all the medications we can give her at this point. She can't really talk to tell us what she needs and she is obviously not happy. Did I mention how much this sucks? I keep trying to think about the butterfly analogy and just think that it is her cocoon taking over. Sometimes the visualization works and sometimes it just makes me feel horrible. To add insult to injury, the medical equipment company delivered the oxygen machine. I just feel like we're being swallowed up by terminal illness "stuff."
My day was good in that I got a lot of things "checked off" my list. The requests to read with CJ have POURED in and a good part of my day included filling out the calendar. Available spaces are becoming as hard to get as Barbra Streisand tickets in San Francisco but there's still some time available if you are interested. Check out the previous blog post for helpful hints on this.
Thanks for the sweet notes and kind visits we have already received. There have even been some good, healthy snacks coming our way!
tomorrow's agenda includes another visit with the Noah's Children folks and Friday is Jam-Packed with reading/entertaining CJ. Plus, Roger will return to teaching at RNR officially on Friday. Wish him luck!
I'm gonna sign off because I just don't have anything else to say...