Not a great day.
Today was the one year "anniversary" (although that sounds far more festive than I felt today) of finding out that Charlotte had a brain tumor.
If you don't know the story, I took CJ to the pediatrician because these headaches she'd been having hadn't been getting any better. Dr. Webber looked her over and then stepped out for a moment. He came back in with another doctor who looked in her left eye for a very long time.
"Yep, there's something there" are not the most encouraging words a parent can hear. Still, I wasn't panicked. Just concerned. They told me to take her to St. Mary's ER for a CAT scan.
When we left, before we went over to the hospital, I stopped off at the nearby convenience store to get her a bite to eat since she hadn't eaten much and I wasn't sure what to expect at the hospital. There was also a tiny little, worried dad voice in the back of my head telling me it may be a good idea to enjoy this time with her a little bit extra.
I got her a hotdog. The rest is history.
Back to today: I tried to engage in things that make me feel better (running, playing with the fireplace, etc...) It helped a little.
Always looking at myself to gauge my mental shape, I'm finding myself wanting to be alone more (knew I would) so be prepared for disappointment if you're looking for some quality time with Rog. Haven't really seen many of the symptoms the Abilify commercials say I should have to be depressed (except the chronic hallitosis) so I'm still not too worried.
Most of my recent quality time has been spent with the kids at Romp n' Roll. That has been my biggest success story of late. It's been great to be back and I think Rachel feels similarly. I just would like to start making some money at it someday.
The planning for Monument Ave. 10K continues. TEAM CJ continues to grow. I'm going to put a Jan 31 deadline for letting me know you want to run/raise pledges since the price of registration goes up Feb 1. We're at 50 runners/walkers so far so it should be a big purple and pink hoard. The "Spirit Group" is being organized as well. Come cheer us on.
Gotta go to bed to start the next year off right.
The anniversaries/holidays, etc., are going to be so hard but I hope you both will take good care of yourselves and each other. I worry about my baby brother and the mommy of the most beautiful girl in the world and it's even harder when I'm not there to stalk you on a daily basis. I know we all will have certain dates and events that will hit harder than others but today was a gut and heart wrencher and I though about you both all day.
ReplyDeleteLove you so much!!
Aunt B
Thanks, Aunt B, we second (and third, and fourth) your thoughts. They (whoever "they" are) say time heals all wounds - no, no, no - not possible. Love from Lois in IL.
ReplyDeleteOur prayers for your strength and well being continue as always, we had followed CJ's progress through our daughter, Samantha at Romp n Roll. Although we never met her, we fell in love with her and both of you...you give alot of us out here strength and character to go on with mundance lives through you and Rachel have had unimaginable events happen. Continue to be with each other, and family, it will never get easier but I know something will make you smile and that beautiful monkey butt face will come into your mind...and you will get through.
ReplyDeleteOur love, prayers and hope